Finding God in Frustration

I’m a big fan of schedules. I like to make a list of tasks, crossing out each one as it is accomplished. But there are days I don’t accomplish much on my list: I get interrupted, things go wrong and I sit down at the end of the day frustrated and angry at how fruitless those hours seemed to be.

When I struggle with thinking according to the limits of man, the Lord whisper me to STOP for a while, PRAY and be encouraged knowing that it’s possible with Him.

“Lay your burdens down, children. Walk with me, and your walk will be burden-free.”

Do not limit the power and nature of God to our finite knowledge of Him and how we’ve experienced Him in the past.

He is mysterious, yet faithful. He is unpredictable, yet constant.

You can’t be anything to anyone

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I want to be all the things.

If I am given a space to simply breathe and be completely honest then that’s the truth I choose to share: I want to be all the things.

I want to be a friend. I want to be a good friend. I want to be a best friend to every little human I encounter. I want to be a sister. A daughter. A girlfriend. A wife.

I want to be the person who gets called at two in the morning. I want to be the one who shows up at the door with coffee and a heart that is just ready and amped for whatever truth you want to let sit square in the middle of the kitchen table. I want to take people as they are. I want to hold people as they come.

I want to be the mysterious one— the girl in the corner of the coffee shop with the bright red hat. I want to be the rebel. I want to be the one who doesn’t care about the rips in her tights. I want to be a writer.  I want to be a poem. I want to be the one you can’t stop thinking about. I want to be the one you never let go of, the girl who managed to maneuver herself away like a magic trick. A great Houdini act that left the whole world asking, “Where’d she go? Did anyone get her name?

I want to be the one who feeds the homeless. I want to dress the orphans. I want to remember to pray when I say I will pray for you. I want to be the reliable one. The simple one. The one who needs no excess in her life— she gets it and she knows what is really important. I want to be the secret keeper. The girl who you always know is going to cook the meanest, baddest appetizer for that dinner party. I want to be the one who dances at weddings. I want to be the life of the party. Yes, I want to be the life of the party.

I want to be the one who remembers to look up. I want to be the organized one— the one who has ridiculous control over the content of my inbox. I want to be the one with systems and rules. I want to be the adventurer. The wild one. The cool girl. I want to be the one who never lets a single soul down.

I want to be all the things.

 

BUT I CAN’T BE ALL THESE THINGS.

I wear that truth like a sweater these days— That’s the hardest and grittiest truth I’ve been forced to swallow since I turned 22. It’s like adulthood showed up with a hammer and nails and got all gangster in my face, saying, “Girl, hop off. You can’t be all the things. Just hop off that reality you created for yourself.”

That’s where I am in this present moment: figuring out what it looks like to not be all the things— to not be everything to everyone. To just be something to a few. To remember to call that few. And cheer that few on. And finally resolve the debate in my mind that has always told me that, to be valuable, you must sink your teeth into some and be the best you could be in that.

He’s the God of hope.

I’m so thankful that God is the God of do-overs. He’s the God of second chances. He’s the God of fresh starts, clean slates, new chapters, another day, and hope.

He’s the God of hope.

And as certain as the sun rises every morning, is the certainty that He has a plan and purpose for each day He gives us here.

Yet maybe sometimes we feel like we’ve blown it, like we’ve wasted too much time on unimportant things, or that we’ve let years go by still holding on to what we should have released long ago. Maybe we feel like we can’t get free from old labels that have attached themselves too securely to who we are even today.

And we’ve lost our hope…

He knows. He understands. And He offers us another chance, today, this day, to move forward. That’s where He’s leading us, forward, into a fresh start. He never intends us to stay stuck where we are. Let’s leave the old stuff behind, releasing the fears and uncertainties that have held us back for way too long. He’s the One who gives courage to step into new territory. He’s the One who leads our way.

He can take what little we feel like we have to offer Him – our brokenness, our time or lack of it, our mistakes, our weaknesses, and He can do great things through it all. Don’t ever doubt it. His power is great, nothing is impossible with Him, and He is faithful…

Keep reaching ahead. He has good in store.

Wednesday, November 25 2015

My heart is silent, my eyes are tired. I seem to have lost the ability to weep.

Please take all the pain that is in me and transform it into praise. Please allow my limited mind to accept what I cannot change. Please allow the words utter from the place of hurt to glorify You.

Embrace me with Your love. Coat me with the joy I can only claim through binding myself to Your being.

May I anchor my theology, my faith to Your goodness, Your truth, Your promises and not my pain and my expectations.

Allow me to bring my eyes to Your glory and to Your light and not allow the blinding darkness consume me. Amen!

November Playlist

November playlist

  • Wildest Dream – Taylor Swift
    – Say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your #WildestDreams… ♥
  • New Romantics – Taylor Swift
    – I just love our Queen Tay-Tay. ♥
  • Shake It Off – Taylor Swift
    – Because you need Tay to get through the morning!
  • Blank Space – Taylor Swift
    – Don’t you love the music video of this??
  • All About That Base – Megan Trainer
  • Bang Bang – Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj
  • Black Widow – Iggy Azlea
    – This is my getting ready for a night out song. I have dance moves to this! haha
  • Heroes – Alesso
  • Rather Be – Clean Bandit
  • Blame  Calvin Harris

The Hidden Surfing Gem of North

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For more than a year now, a lot of people have been telling us how beautiful Baler is. So me and my college friends embarked a 6-hours journey to the north. And you know what? They’re absolutely right! Baler is soooo beautiful!🙂

During our weekend stay, my main goal is to try to surf but we also tried our best to visit as many places as possible. So below are the list of our destination.

1. Balete Park

This is our first destination because as the tour guide says, this is the gate of Baler. At Balete Park, there is this gigantic Balete tree that you can climb have your picture taken. You can also go inside the tree, which was cool and a little scary.

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2. Ditumabo Falls
Also known as the Mother Falls. You need to trek at least 1.3KM to reach this magnificent waterfall. And getting to the falls is not a walk in the park but the trek is ABSOLUTELY worth it! After soaking my whole body in the natural pool, I never felt so refreshed in my entire life.

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3. Sabang Beach

Sabang Beach may not be as pristine as other beach but it does offers an exhilarating experience I’ve never tried before.  This is where we tried surfing.

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Till I met you

 

Today, Bob Nicolas release this video of Paul and Toni’s wedding video. And because of this video, my timeline is social media today was like…

Weddings…

Love life…

Relationship…

Partner…

Goals…

This is one of those times that I’ve been facing this question again… when will I meet “THE ONE”?

Somewhere out there is a man. Perhaps I’ve met him already. Perhaps I haven’t. Either way, someday he’ll be mine and I’ll be his. It will be ours to help one another to Christ, ours to raise our children for Him, ours to spend a life of love together.

“My future husband” isn’t just a name for something that will spring into existence when that future comes. Right now he’s living, breathing, laughing, working, and maybe, like me, he’s waiting. Right now he’s doing something, right now he’s in the middle of living his life.

I wish, how I wish, that I could be with him now, doing with him whatever it is that he’s doing. How I wish I could support him in his great endeavors, laugh at his jokes, and tell him how much he means to me.

But that’s not now. That’s future.

Yet he lives and breathes, and because of this I don’t have to wait until later to do anything at all for him. Now, right this instant, I can give him a precious gift: the gift of my prayers.

Many things will have to wait until later. But now, though I’m not even sure if I’ve ever seen his face, I can give him an abundance of treasure. This very moment I can send him messages of love in my prayers for his health, safety, and faith.

Till I met you my love. ♥

AT THIS MOMENT

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I can’t believe we’re halfway through 2015. It’s crazy because I know I’ve been very busy doing stuff, but it also feels like I haven’t done much. Oh, how time flies! And because it’s been a while since I wrote something about my life, I thought I should do a quick post to give you a sneak peek on my life.

READING: UNTANGLED Let God Loosen the Knots of Insecurity in Your Life

“All women want to feel is valued. But problems arise when we seek confirmation that we are enough using the world’s standards. Almost from birth, we are trained to find the approval and acceptance we crave in the eyes of family, friends, and even strangers. The result is that we cannot believe we are who God says we are–accepted, loved, beautiful, and treasured. We get tangled up in the world’s assessment and our own self-judgment.”

I just started reading this and loving the first few pages. I will definitely recommend this to my girls and I’m excited to have a book review session talking about everything I acquired from this book.

REFLECTING: The opportunity to help others.

I feel like I’m just starting to spread my wings on my own but feeling it’s about time to start planning on achieving one of my goals to save the world. HAHA! I know I’m not financially stable so I don’t have much resources and I am working full time so I don’t have much time to spare but there’s this big part of me – the superhero part chos – that screaming “You can do way better than giving food to people living in the streets or praying for them.” So I’m thinking of a way/advocacies/group of people to devote a part of me and make this life more meaningful. The closest to my heart are (1) those who are striving to finish school (because I used to be a scholar too). (2) The people living in the streets because my heart breaks every time I see them.

LOVING: My new place in the city

I recently move in the city because of my work. I’m quite proud of myself because I feel like having an own place means being more matured. I move about a week ago and you know when you get something new and it seems like everything is going to be better? Well that’s what it seems like. Like it’s a new beginning, a clean slate. It’s fun but it can be tough; it’s not glitter and gold, you only have yourself to depend on. The cost of living is high too, but I will survived, I know I will.

CONTEMPLATING: The opportunity to make my dream to travel the world will come true.

When I look at the map, whether map of the Philippines or World map, I can’t help but feel a pang of envy to those who are able to travel. Seriously how can they afford it and how do they find time to do it? Then I look at where I am now and realized that I, too, am walking one step at a time in fulfilling that goal. I make sure to reward myself to an out-of-town or out-of-the country travel when I have time and budget.

MISSING: My lazy days

Super missing those days I spend in bed with my laptop and chips and drinks in my hand. Honestly feels like forever since I last did that. Life is consuming so much of my time and there’s no way I can put “be lazy in bed” in my agenda.

HOPING: I will learn to understand or appreciate the wonders of working out.

The condo where I stay has a great gym facilities, I started to hit the gym this week and hope to do it daily. Seriously I’m not fan of working out but I eat way too much. I felt like dying every time I drag my butt in the treadmill but I don’t want to die young so every day I need to convince myself to get up and run at least an hour daily. How do other people do that? How can they be so devotee of working out?

What have you been up to lately? 

Finding Serenity

Andddd finally our year long planned trip happened!

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Last October, me and my officemates planned a summer vacation in Boracay. I haven’t been there in ages and I don’t remember it being such a beautiful and chill place! I mean Boracay is such a paradise right? Definitely need to go back so yes… I’m back!

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*Obligatory selfie*

Here’s a compiled video of our trip

Who wouldn’t fall in love with this place?

The Reason Why Am I Single

So many people have been asking me why I am still single! Like it’s some kind of crime hahaha

I’ve always wanted to write about this. But I never seemed to get a grasp of it because until now, it’s something so insignificant in my life. But I had a chat with my friend Mizzi and he encourage me to write so here it goes.

So…. Where to begin?

I grow up being so in love with Walt Disney movies. I don’t know about the rest of other girls, and most certainly any of the men, but I never had the slightest idea of how watching movies about a princess having a prince charming and living happily ever after, could affect my life with such gravity.

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Now, I never wanted to be a princess (because I want to be a queen now HAHAHA), but I mean… Watching movies about it as a kid must have planted some idea in my mind that somewhere out there is a man who’s going to come for me with all the male bravado in the world, claiming me to be his one and only, and taking me away on his valiant stallion…

or magic carpet… or a Lamborghini Veneno Roadster ♥

It has been a lifelong dream of mine to finally find that person who is going to sweep me off my feet. I met some men who I actually thought would be my prince charming. (I know I’m too young thinking about it but heeey google says, Disney princesses got their Prince Charming at the age of 17-19)

So here I am, enjoying my status being single while waiting for the person that God has fated me to be with for the rest of my life.

But it was not as easy as it always look… it seems like most of my friends are now in relationship and I was not. And today, I must admit that my sentiments remain the same.. WHAT A STRUGGLE! Haha. And the thing is, just recently I realized that it was such a struggle for me, because everything was head knowledge. I knew that God had someone special waiting for me, I knew that I had to wait and have God mold the both of us into the right people for each other, I knew that God would bring him to me when it was time. BUT WAITING TIME IS KILLING ME!!

Throughout the duration of writing this blog entry, I have wrestled with God again and again for a more rational reason as to why my prince charming was taking so long, then during one of my prayer time He told me (via reading the old journey entry), “Do you remember the last time you were hurt so bad? It’s the time when you mistook someone as your prince and it didn’t work out and you end up getting so hurt and broken.” And then it hit me in an instant, and it was an eye opener for me… That moment I realized that I am still in the process of refining.. that God is still preparing my experiences, my stories, my quirks and flaws, to fall neatly in place align with that special someone He destined for me to make something beautiful. And when the day come that I do get to meet my prince, I’m sure that then, I’ll be ready.